Whole Heart Relationships

This Blog has Moved to Wordpress

2009-08-26T07:34:00.000-07:00

I have moved my blog to wordpress so please visit my new site for much for frequent posts....Thank you!

Authentic? Or Acting Authentic?

2009-04-28T12:05:00.000-07:00

Authentic or Acting Authentic (More on authenticity)

I happened to be talking to someone recently about a TV show I had watched and I referred to it as the medical show with that doctor everyone loves. I couldn’t remember the name of the show or the doctor. She responded, “House?” I said, “No”. I said, “You know, it’s on Wednesday nights, ABC.” “Grey’s Anatomy?” “Yes, that’s the one.” She then said, “Right, only the hottest medical show on TV.” “Really; how interesting,” I said. And then I began to ponder that thought.
I thought about Patrick Dempsey, how authentic his character is on that show. But that’s just it; he’s playing a role, acting authentic. Who knows what he’s really like in his own life?

Have you ever thought about the fact that some of the highest paid people in this country are paid that well because they are really good at ACTING authentic. They are not being authentic in their roles in movies and television. They are acting authentic. We love the actors, the authentic roles they play. Have you ever had the experience of hearing them being interviewed on TV, when they don’t have a script memorized?

For years, I didn’t watch much TV. I thought I was above that. I didn’t want to waste my time and there wasn’t really anything on TV that would have held my full attention. Once in awhile, I would have the TV on while doing some other more important task, watching the TV with about 20% of my attention. I was one of those people who surrounded myself with people who were pretty much like me and we lived in our own little world, happy as clams with our similar belief systems.

As I mentioned in my last entry, everything was going along just fine in my illusion of reality when suddenly it hit me that the 2 top TV shows in the nation were Roseanne and Married with Children. I had seen a few bits and pieces of these shows. I had also seen Roseanne Barr interviewed on TV. I scratched my head as my curiosity was peaked. How fascinating! And there began my sociological study. With whom was I really sharing the planet? Wow! What an eye opener. I still watch TV today, as a sociological study. I want and need to know what is going on in the world. I’m not talking about the news; I’m talking about the TV shows. Reading the TV guide can really reveal some amazing truths about the world in which we live. Now the top shows include Survivor and Amazing Race. (Haven’t seen more than 5 minutes of either of those, but I pretty much know what they’re about).

So here is my conclusion about Roseanne and Married with Children, as well as the “reality” shows. (I put reality in quotes because I question whether these shows represent reality or not).
These shows have people acting like they are authentic. They act like real people. They get mad. Things get messy. The question I have for you is: “authentic or acting authentic?”

What do you love or hate about the “reality” shows?

Diana Morgan, M.A., H.H.E., Minister
PO Box 553, Santa Rosa, CA 95402
707-548-7003 or 925-980-9052
dianaconcoffmorgan@gmail.com

http://www.wholeheartpath.com
http://www.blessingstoyou.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/dianaconcoffmorgan

Authenticity; My Journey Toward My Whole Heart

2009-03-10T14:50:00.000-07:00

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the word “authentic”. It has become one of those really popular, overused words that are used in so many different ways that unless you define the word, it can mean way too many things. I want to talk about what it means to me because I use it in my work. The dictionary defines “authentic” as, “not false or copied, real.” To me, authentic means “being real.” When I am being authentic, I am being present to the moment and whatever is happening. I am present with the person with whom I am interacting. I am coming from my whole heart. I am being real in the sense that I am not censoring my thoughts and actions. My actions are in integrity with my beliefs. These are the ways of being that define me “being me”.

I would like to talk about my history and how I came to even care about authenticity and how it has evolved into a passionate quest for me. For years, I tried to avoid knowing what was going on in the world. I didn’t watch the news because it was violent and negative. I didn’t watch much TV because I was above that. I didn’t want to waste my time and there wasn’t really anything on TV that could have ever held my full attention. Once in awhile, I would have the TV on while doing some other more important task, watching the TV with about 20% of my attention. I was one of those people who surrounded myself with people who were pretty much like me and we lived in our own little world, with our similar belief systems, pretending like we were the majority.

Everything was going along just fine in my illusion of reality when suddenly I popped my head out of the sand for a minute and started to notice the world. Maybe it was hearing that the top two TV shows in America were “Roseanne” and “Married with Children”. Maybe it was becoming pregnant. Maybe it was moving to Antioch, California where two thirds of the cars had the little “born again” fish on their car. Maybe it was the small group of parents at the school my son attended who fought having a yoga class and celebrating Halloween because it offended their religious beliefs; or maybe it was also the fact that they won! Maybe it was watching the downfall of Clinton and the Democratic Party and the return of the Bush dynasty, the dictatorship where, we as a country, abandoned our authenticity, and actually gave up our right to vote for president. We actually let a group of people hijack our government and hold it hostage for 8 years. Maybe it was the combination of all of those events that caused me to wake up and start to look AUTHENTICALLY at my own actions and beliefs. How could I complain? What was I really doing? I was copying everyone else, being one of the herd? Oh, sure, I voted. I spoke up, sometimes, signed a few petitions, donated a few dollars, when it was convenient and easy. But was that really enough? Today, I say, “No”. Had I been true to myself, authentic, I would have fought back, whatever the price. Instead, with a huff and a puff, I let it happen. I abandoned myself, my beliefs, and my authenticity.

Since I popped my head out of the sand, I have never been able to put it back. I admit, I have tried, unsuccessfully. I have been living life, eyes wide open ever since, passionately seeking to know and act from my authentic self. I can’t honestly say that my actions have been 100% in integrity with my beliefs. It’s a process. But at least I know when I am out of integrity, or I have friends, true friends that will gently and ever so lovingly guide me back to my conscience. One of the most important things I can do is stay aware and informed. I watch the news occasionally, knowing that much of it isn’t true; much of it is distorted, exaggerated or diminished. I watch it also knowing that the majority of people think that what they hear on the news is the truth. I listen to the radio. I talk to people and I listen. And I watch TV as a sociological study. In my next article I would like to share some ideas about America, TV and authenticity.

Diana Concoff Morgan, M.A., Holistic Health Educator, Five Rings Coach and Stress Response Trainer helps you break through personal barriers, open your whole heart to create authentic connections in your relationships and in your life. She had been working with couples and individuals for over 20 years. The techniques and tools that she utilizes incorporate Holistic Health, Five Rings Movement Psychology and Stress Response Training, Intuitive/Spiritual Counseling, Martial Science,and Certified Yoga Heart Meditative Movement. In addition, she performs spiritual, personal wedding and other types of ceremonies. She helps you to create a ceremony that is your expression of spirituality.
Please call for a free caring consultation.

Diana Morgan, M.A., H.H.E., Minister
PO Box 553, Santa Rosa, CA 95402
707-548-7003 or 925-980-9052
dianaconcoffmorgan@gmail.com

http://www.wholeheartpath.com
http://www.blessingstoyou.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/dianaconcoffmorgan

It's NOT Personal

2009-03-04T16:28:00.000-08:00

Is It Really Personal?

In my last article, “The Art of Saying No”, I talked about how difficult it is to say, “NO” to people so we say, “YES” when we really want to say, “NO”. In this article, I will talk about the number one reason why it is so hard to say, “NO”. The number one reason is because it’s hard for most people to hear, “NO”. If you don’t like to hear it, you are not going to want to say it! Why is it so hard to hear, “NO”? I think it is largely because we take it personally. We think they are saying much more with their, “NO”, than they really are. We feel personally rejected. The truth is that “NO” is just “NO”. It’s not, “NO and you’re not good enough.” It’s not, “NO and I don’t like you.” It’s not “NO, never.” It’s just, “NO” to the current request. “NO, it’s not a fit for me at this time.” “No, but feel free to ask me again at another time or down the road.” It’s not personal! It’s not about you! And when you say, “NO”, it’s not personal, and it’s not about them. “NO” is about the person who says it, not the person who receives the “NO”. Even if the person doesn’t like you, it’s not about you! Wow, what freedom that gave me when I realized that.

Let’s talk about some other ways that we make things personal when they are not personal. Are you one of those people who goes to a party or gathering and maybe there are 50 people with whom you had really good interactions but you will focus on that one person who wasn’t so “warm and fuzzy”. Maybe that person didn’t say, “Hello”. Or maybe they gave you some look that you decided to interpret as negative in some way. Whatever did or didn’t happen, you decided to focus on that one person because you felt that they didn’t like you or were somehow slighting you. The truth is that unless you actually asked the person what they were thinking or feeling about you, you have no idea what was going on.

I have a policy which is that I don’t participate in “third party communication”. In other words, until someone actually says the words to my face, I don’t make assumptions about how they feel about me. Third party communication is communication that comes to me indirectly, not from the actual messenger. Making assumptions about how someone thinks about me without knowing for sure is in truth third party communication because it is indirect, it is an assumption. It’s really not that much different from gossip in the sense that you are participating in third party communication and you don’t know if it’s true or not and it can be as destructive as gossip.

One challenge in relationships that I hear often has to do with taking things personally. When two people are in a relationship, married or not, romantic or not, they must be able to be honest without the other person taking it personally. If you are the person who takes it personally, or if you know someone who does, I would like to offer you some tools to begin to change your body/mind.

Click here

I would love to know what your favorite technique for not taking things personally is.

Diana Morgan, M.A., H.H.E., Minister
PO Box 553, Santa Rosa, CA 95402
707-548-7003 or 925-980-9052
dianaconcoffmorgan@gmail.com

http://www.wholeheartpath.com
http://www.blessingstoyou.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/dianaconcoffmorgan

The ART of saying NO

2009-01-21T14:26:00.000-08:00

The Art of Saying NO
Say YES when you mean YES, NO when you mean NO, OH when you mean OH

I am starting a new column for 2009 called: What’s your greatest challenge in relationships? This can be personal, professional and romantic. Currently I am offering a 15 minute telephone coaching session to anyone who responds to brainstorm solutions to your greatest challenges in relationships.

January’s newsletter is about how to say NO. I find myself having the conversation about how hard it is to say NO so often that I have decided to write an article about it. This seems to be a real challenge. It’s not that difficult to say YES but NO seems to be a challenge for a lot of people…and what about OH, yes, just OH.

We’ll begin with OH. Sometimes our friends and loved ones want to share a problem with us and we think we have to do something to resolve it. That’s where OH comes in. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying these people aren’t begging for us to get involved in their dramas and traumas. They are. Even if they don’t say it, they would love for us to take their problems off their hands. So that’s where OH comes in. When someone tells you their woes, and you’re clear that you don’t want to get involved, or even if you’re not sure if you want to get involved or not, try this: the response is just OH. It’s not OH? OR OH! Just OH. Uncharged. Simple. You will be amazed at how powerful and freeing this response can be. Many of us are just too ready and willing to jump in and attempt to solve problems that we can’t, shouldn’t be involved in, and don’t even want to be involved in but we don’t know how to stay uninvolved. OH.

NO is a whole different story. Why is it so hard to say NO? Here are some of the responses I get to that question: The other person will get mad at me. They won’t like me. I feel guilty after I say NO. The truth is that sometimes people do get mad when we say NO. They sometimes don’t like us after that. And sometimes, some people do expect us to feel guilty if we say NO. So the key is to remember who you are, and hold onto your own truth around your choices. “You can’t please all the people all the time…”

The art of saying NO is really a two part process. First you need to become clear about your response. I would like you try this practice. Next time someone asks you a favor and you want to say NO, take a moment to focus inside. Relax your belly, open your palms, take a deep breath into the belly and listen to your heart, your voice of truth. Now that you have decided on your response and for this example, let’s say it’s a solid NO, part 2 of the process is about how you say NO.

Did you know there are many different ways to say NO? Different personality types hear things differently. Have you ever noticed that people use different words and phrases to express themselves? We all see the world through different lenses, so to speak. So it would make sense that there are many different ways to say NO. Saying NO is not just about NO, it’s about how you say NO.

The art of saying No can be found in the Five Rings system that I use.

People who come from a predominantly water perspective are very feeling and emotional. They come from their heart. They usually talk a lot about feelings, theirs and others. They are sensitive. When expressing their opinions, they say, “I feel…” They want to feel heard.

Here’s how you say NO to a water person. Make sure to let them know you have heard their proposal, taken it to HEART and are going to say NO. A water person will come back a few times with different versions of the same request, like the tide keeps washing up onto the shore.
When they are clear that your NO is a NO, they will retreat.

People who come from a predominantly wind perspective are thinkers and analyzers. They come from their head. They talk a lot about thinking. When expressing their opinions, they say, “I think…” They want a more systematic NO. They want to hear that you made a list of pros and cons, a logic list, and considered all perspectives before saying NO. Once they feel that you have come to your decision logically and that your NO is a solid NO they will not challenge you.

People who come from a predominantly ground perspective are very solid in their approach. When expressing their opinions, you will hear them say things like, “I know this in my gut”. They come from their gut. They want to know that you are solid in your decision. Try using terminology like, “On my rock I stand”, or “I know in my gut that my answer is NO. They won’t push you.

People who come from a predominantly fire perspective are to the point. They come from a dynamic, very big picture perspective. When expressing their opinions, they will express them as if they are facts. They don’t even care why you are saying NO! They just want to know and want to feel that you are clear in your response. The just want you to make up your mind.

The recurring theme in all of these examples is that when a person is clear that your NO is solid they will accept it. People usually push until there is no where left to push.

If you know how to say NO and you know how to say OH, you can choose to say YES when you want to from a place of freedom and choice.

I would love to hear your stories of how these techniques worked for you. Please comment on my blog or drop me an email.

Diana Morgan, M.A., H.H.E., Minister
PO Box 553, Santa Rosa, CA 95402
707-548-7003 or 925-980-9052
dianaconcoffmorgan@gmail.com

For information about performing ceremonies: Blessings To You
For information about relationship workshops, coaching and marriage prep: Whole Heart Path

The #1 reason marriages break up is because they lose site of the love that brought them together. I help couples break through their personal barriers, opening their whole heart to experience their authentic connection. The Whole Heart Path awaits you...

Remember the love that brought you together...

2008-12-02T17:51:00.000-08:00

Greetings!

I hope you had a wonderful holiday!

I want to offer you a great tool, especially during this time of year when things can be stressful.

Remember the love that brought you together...

Rekindling your romance is about you and your partner and what is romantic to you. It's just too easy to compare yourself to other couples ...friends, TV..., movies...and think there is something missing from your relationship.

Remembering the love that brought you together is about appreciating your partner and what is romantic for you and your partner.

Take some time to do this practice:

Close your eyes for a few minutes and let your mind travel back to that time when you first saw your partner, when you first became aware of that moment when you just had to meet this person, and then to get to know this person better. You felt something for your partner that you probably had never felt before. You felt the mystical connection with them that was stronger than anything human.

Now, take a few moments to just feel that feeling, getting in touch with love for your partner in your body, mind and heart.

And now, open your eyes and notice how you feel. The next time you are with your partner, really remembering the love that brought you together, authentically, with your whole heart, give them a hug or take their hands and look into their eyes and from that place of loving them, tell them how much you love them and how and why you appreciate them. Imagine if you began every day this way...

Enjoy!

Diana Morgan, M.A., H.H.E., Minister
PO Box 553, Santa Rosa, CA 95402
707-548-7003 or 925-980-9052
dianaconcoffmorgan@gmail.com

For information about performing ceremonies: Blessings To You
For information about relationship workshops, coaching and marriage prep: Whole Heart Path

The #1 reason marriages break up is because they lose site of the love that brought them together. I help couples break through their personal barriers, opening their whole heart to experience their authentic connection. The Whole Heart Path awaits you...

Tool #5 The Wisdom of the Gambler

2008-11-24T17:25:00.000-08:00

Tool #5

Know When to Hold 'em, Fold 'em, Walk away, and When to Run

I always ask people, "If you had to choose one motto by which to live your life, what would it be?" I have never heard anyone say my favorite
motto, well, except "The Gambler". My favorite motto is, "You gotta know when to hold 'em, when to fold 'em, when to walk away and when to run." This is particularly true in relationships.

How many times have you been in a situation where you knew that your best move was going to be to just put yourself and the other person on hold, not say anything, and wait for a better moment? That's called "hold em".

There are those time when you know you don't have the winning hand, so you "fold 'em". You yield until the next hand and then you try again.

And I'm sure we've all had times when the best thing to do was to "walk away", or even "run".

Unlike the gambler, playing a game of cards, we are playing the game of life, which sometimes hit us fast and hard. We don't always get the opportunity to make a conscious choice about how we are going to respond to another person or situation. We can't always be that present in the moment. Sometimes we react in a way that isn't necessarily going to help the situation because we are coming from some past experience or story. For example, sometimes we hold when it would have been much more effective to fold, walk away or run!

The Wisdom of the "Gambler"
I have used the "wisdom" of the Gambler for a very long time in my own life. In some ways the Five Rings system of stress response can be compared to the Gambler. The five rings are ways of being in the world, corresponding to the elements, wind, water, fire and ground. The 5th ring is space, the pause in between each moment.

To "hold" is ground, holding your ground. To "fold" is water, yielding. To "walk away" is wind, and to" run" is fire. Of course it's not really that simple, but it's a beginning, one example of how to use this information as a tool in your life. Each of these rings has a powerful side and a not so powerful aspect. Most of us, when pushed to react, will tend to react in one of the rings most frequently. Sometimes that response will be effective and sometimes, more often, it will not, because it is a stress response, not an empowered response, not a conscious choice.

If you are not living in the present moment in your life, you will tend to bring your history, your truth about the situation to the present moment. When you do this you will tend toward the same reaction in most situations, chances are it will serve you positively some of the time, but,since you are dealing with so many different types of people and situations in your life, and not really responding to the present moment, much of the time you will experience your reactions as ineffective.

The goal is to become present in each moment of your life. As you do this, you will begin to recognize, know and understand your own stress response, and then to know and understand all five rings. When you understand all the rings, you will be able to recognize the ring from which the other person is coming, and then you will be able to choose the best ring with which to handle each situation or person that comes your way in the present moment. You will know when to hold 'em, fold 'em, walk away and run from a conscious, present and empowered place.

Diana Morgan, M.A., H.H.E., Minister
PO Box 553, Santa Rosa, CA 95402
707-548-7003 or 925-980-9052

For information about performing ceremonies: Blessings To You
For information about relationship workshops, coaching and marriage prep: Whole Heart Path

The #1 reason marriages break up is because they lose site of the love that brought them together. I help couples break through their personal barriers, opening their whole heart to experience their authentic connection. The Whole Heart Path awaits you...

What's the most important "must have"?

2008-11-13T15:39:00.000-08:00

What is the most important "must have"?

The most important "must have" is that you must be on the same page in your personal and spiritual growth. If you don't have this in common, one of you will always be dragging and pushing the other and there will be resentment and stress on the relationship. When you feel confident based on the other person's consistent actions (not just their words), that they are on the same page as you in growing and changing, I say, go for it! Dive in! You will never know if that person is right for you if you don't dive in.

Of course you want this person to have your other "must haves" too. and then there's just good old common sense.

Diana Morgan, M.A., H.H.E., Minister
PO Box 553, Santa Rosa, CA 95402
707-548-7003 or 925-980-9052

For information about performing ceremonies: Blessings To You
For information about relationship workshops, coaching and marriage prep: Whole Heart Path

We always invite comments!

The #1 reason marriages break up is because they lose site of the love that brought them together. I help couples break through their personal barriers, opening their whole heart to experience their authentic connection. The Whole Heart Path awaits you...

How do we know when it's safe to dive into the relationship?

2008-11-13T15:29:00.000-08:00

How do we know when it's safe to dive into the relationship? What's enough?

Common sense is huge in this decision. The truth is that we know more than we let ourselves know about ourselves and other people. The key is to know yourself and to be able to be honest with yourself. How can you trust another person if you don't trust yourself and you can't be honest? You need to be honest about what you really want. In any area of your wants, you can characterize your wants in two types: "must have" and "would like to have but I can live without". "Must have" wants are the deal breakers. These are the qualities and aspects of the other person that cannot be compromised. If you compromise your "must have" list, you will have a very difficult relationship and are less likely to make it as a couple. I have worked with couples who have none of their "would like to have but I could live without" and their relationships are good. They each get those other needs met by other people and in other ways. On the other hand, I have rarely seen a couple who don't have their "must haves" make it.

Diana Morgan, M.A., H.H.E., Minister
PO Box 553, Santa Rosa, CA 95402
707-548-7003 or 925-980-9052

For information about performing ceremonies: Blessings To You
For information about relationship workshops, coaching and marriage prep: Whole Heart Path

Next article...

What is the most important "must have"?

The #1 reason marriages break up is because they lose site of the love that brought them together. I help couples break through their personal barriers, opening their whole heart to experience their authentic connection. The Whole Heart Path awaits you...

What do you do after you get that date?

2008-11-13T15:17:00.000-08:00

What do you do after you get date?

And what about after you actually get into the relationship? I love that now there are all these wonderful ways to meet and find the partner of your dreams. So now, you've found that person...you've met...you've gotten to know each other...and now it's time to "get involved". What is "getting involved"? It's about the process that I refer to as the "trust test". We all do it, so let's just call it what it is. It's like getting ready to dive into a cold, unheated swimming pool. You put in one toe to test the water. You leave it in the pool for awhile. Then you maybe put in all the toes, or the whole foot and so on, until you are used to the water. That's what we do in relationships, in a manner of speaking. We enter into the relationship one toe at a time, observing, questioning, wondering when is it ok to trust? How do we know when we can trust the other person? How much of our foot do we put in before the dive? The whole foot? The other foot? A leg? Or do we just keep testing the water and never dive in? For me, over the years, before I figured out how to know if it was ok to dive, I would either jump in with both feet, blindly trusting, or I would put up the wall, not even dipping a toe. It was always very black or white to me and I never really had anything to base it on, except, of course, what other people thought.

Diana Morgan, M.A., H.H.E., Minister
PO Box 553, Santa Rosa, CA 95402
707-548-7003 or 925-980-9052

For information about performing ceremonies: Blessings To You
For information about relationship workshops, coaching and marriage prep: Whole Heart Path

Next article...

How do we know when it's safe to dive into the relationship? What's enough?

The #1 reason marriages break up is because they lose site of the love that brought them together. I help couples break through their personal barriers, opening their whole heart to experience their authentic connection. The Whole Heart Path awaits you...

Online Dating--a Few More Thoughts

2008-11-11T13:05:00.000-08:00

Online dating—a few more thoughts…

I have been doing some more thinking about online dating services like match.com and eharmony.com. I am fascinated with how many couples I work with, whether it be performing their marriage ceremony or taking my marriage prep class that met through these services. They are so well matched and they seem to know one another better than some other couples I work with that met in other ways and have been together much longer. These couples often emphasize how great their communication is. The truth is that the success of your marriage is not so much based on how you meet but on how you are in relationship. Are you being authentic in your relationship or are you diminishing yourself to be what you think the other person wants you to be? Or maybe a little of both, depending on the situation and the day!

Healthy relationships require a risk from both people in the relationship to be present with an open heart. Maybe people who choose the match.com or eharmony.com route tend to be people who have previously been in so many unfulfilling relationships or have met so many people who refuse to be in relationship authentically, with their whole heart that they are ready to be in an authentic, whole heart relationship and they find one another through these services. I don’t know…I am only going by what I hear from the couples I work with and other people I talk to.

I would like to see dating services like match.com and eharmony.com become more respected as a viable way to meet someone who is a good match for you.

Online Dating Services

2008-05-02T17:34:00.000-07:00

Today I am particularly moved to write about matching services like www.Match.com and www.eharmony.com

I have been performing marriage ceremonies for over 20 years and during that time, I have had the opportunity to experience so many different types of connections between couples. At this time, about 30% of the marriage ceremonies that I perform are for people who met on www.Match.com or www.eharmony.com.

Let me make it perfectly clear that this is not an advertisement in any way, shape or form. This article is strictly based on my observations. I’m writing this article because I am moved and inspired by the connections I see in some of these couples. I am impressed and I don’t impress easily!

When I meet with a couple for the first time, I always ask them how they met. Used to be that they would get the red face, look at each other and start laughing and then I would say, “Oh, you met online.” They would say “Yes, but we tell people we met on a blind date”, or “Yes, but we tell people we met through mutual friends”. More and more, they just look me straight in the eyes and with a huge grin, together chime in, "match.com" or "eharmony" or some other online avenue.

I never really did understand that whole stigma around meeting someone online. I guess it came from the few bad apples/experiences that came out. I always say, it’s not how you met…it’s what happens afterwards that counts. People have met their true love in so many different ways. Who’s to say one way is right and another isn’t?

Anyway, back to my discussion of online dating services…

It seems to me that the connection these couples find with one another is so deep. In fact some of the deepest connections I have ever seen have been between couples who have met online. Maybe they take extra time to get to know each other because they want to be especially cautious, having met online. Or maybe they are able to go deeper because many couples spend the time corresponding in writing for quite awhile before they meet.

When a couple contacts me to schedule a consultation, I give them a pre-marital ceremony questionnaire to fill out and return to me before we meet so I can get to know them a little. It gives them a chance to think about things they might not have thought about with regard to their ceremony, their marriage other topics.

Some couples don’t fill out the questionnaire before we meet. Some fill it out together and either bring it to the consultation or email it back to me before we meet. Some take time to fill it out individually and either bring them to the consultation or email them back to me before we meet. And then there have been those couples who are in a category all their own, the couples who met online. They often fill out the questionnaires with so many details, pages and pages about their feelings and thoughts on marriage, their story of how they met and what they love about each other. They tell me their whole life story. Not kidding, some of these questionnaires have come back with 20 – 30 pages of responses. Don’t get me wrong…that’s not what I expect from any couple. The average questionnaire comes back with 3 or 4 pages and that gives me enough of what I need to know before we meet. I usually find out the rest when we meet.

The point that I am making today is that I don’t really understand the stigma around online dating services. Some of the most amazing couples that I have married met on match.com and eharmony.com. So I say don’t be embarrassed about how you met. Focus on what you are doing to get to know that person and how you will determine if he/she is your life partner. And if you know someone who is in the process of exploring online dating services, support them in any way you can. It’s not easy to meet people these days and although there are some disadvantages to meeting someone this way, I think the positives far outweigh the negatives.

I would love to hear your stories!

Diana Concoff Morgan, M.A., H.H.E , Minister
can be reached at 925-980-9052 or www.WholeHeartPath.com

10 Tips to Rekindle Your Romance Tip #4 Express Clear Boundaries

2008-05-02T13:14:00.001-07:00

10 Tips to Rekindle Your Romance

Tip # 4 Express Clear Boundaries

What is a boundary? In the context of this article, a boundary is where you end and the other person begins. Boundaries encompass the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual presence of a person. In a marriage, or any relationship it is important to acknowledge that you are two separate people with two distinct personalities, two different sets of life experiences, tastes, opinions, perceptions, etc.

So when I say, express clear boundaries, I am talking about verbal and not-verbal communication. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Be clear. Don’t give off mixed messages. Do you say it’s ok when it isn’t? Do you not say anything when you need to say something? Do you hope your partner will “just know”? Do you think your partner should “just know”?

Clear boundaries require you to know what you want. Before you can communicate clearly, you have to know what you want so it requires you taking the time to check in with yourself.

Sometimes people don’t express clear boundaries because they are concerned about making the other person angry. Or they are concerned that someone will not accept and honor their boundary. Guess what! You can say what you want whether the other person accepts it or not. In fact, that’s the first step in expressing clear boundaries…not worrying about the response from the other person.

Clear expression of boundaries also includes inviting, welcoming and honoring your partner’s boundaries. Haven’t you ever found yourself thinking, “I just wish I knew what he/she really wanted?” If you are not expressing clear boundaries to each other in your marriage, you are both wasting time and energy guessing and wondering about your partner.

I recommend that you have a discussion about each other’s boundaries. Make agreements about how each of you would like to express your boundaries to the other person and how you would like your communications to be received.

If you’ve been married a long time or even together a long time, remember that we all change as we grow. You may assume that certain things are true for your partner but in fact they have changed. Don’t assume. Be open to that possibility. As you discuss your boundaries in the exercise below come to your partner with an open heart and mind. It’s important that neither of you makes the other wrong for having a certain boundary. (Stay tuned for “What if our boundaries conflict?”) We are all individuals, separate and unique people. And that’s what makes it interesting, right?

Here are some boundaries that you could start to discuss:

Alone time verses together time.

Time together, time together with other friends, time alone with other friends

Spending money

Environment in the home

Food

And the list could go on…you fill in the rest!

As always, I would love to hear your comments and questions!

Love and blessings,

Diana

Diana Concoff Morgan, M.A., H.H.E , Minister
can be reached at 925-980-9052 or www.WholeHeartPath.com

10 Tips to Rekindle Your Romance Workshop

2008-04-28T18:18:00.000-07:00

TOGETHERNESS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

DEDICATE THIS TIME TO ENRICHING YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Rekindle Your Romance and Fall in Love all Over Again...

FACILITATED BY DIANA MORGAN, M.A., HHE, MINISTER

CERTIFIED FIVE RINGS COACH AND STRESS RESPONSE TRAINER

Learn healthy and effective communication tools

Verbal and non-verbal heart-opening practices

Learn positive conflict resolution tools

Keep your marriage new, alive and romantic

This program offers you the opportunity to explore and enrich your relationship, no matter how long you have been together. You will learn how take your communication to a deeper level, to the heart of the matter, when words aren’t working.

Explore marriage topics and learn effective tools for a happy, healthy marriage through verbal, non-verbal and movement practices, in a safe environment with an experienced facilitator.

Diana specializes in workshops that offer you the opportunity to achieve

a deeper level of self-awareness in a safe and fun environment.

**(You do not have to be married- but you must bring a partner)**

MONDAY, MAY 19TH, 2008

7PM-10PM

EMERYVILLE, CA

$49

FOR INFORMATION CLICK HERE

TO REGISTER CLICK HERE

10 Tips to Rekindle Your Romance Tip #3 Put The Marriage First

2008-02-28T13:51:00.000-08:00

10 Tips to Rekindle Your Romance

Tip # 3 Always put the relationship first

It is important to put your relationship first, above either of you as individuals or any other person. Marriage is a partnership. I am not saying that you have to become one person but you do have a partnership and honoring your partnership will keep your romance alive. If you do not put the relationship first, you will start to get little resentments which will become big resentments, which will eventually extinguish the flame in your relationship! Everything ends up in the bedroom. In other words, whatever resentments and dissatisfaction you have in your relationship will manifest in your romance and passion. When you are in alignment and in agreement, you have the space for passion and romance to emerge.

Some of the more common influences that challenge you to put your marriage first are children, friends, extended family and work. It’s just too easy to let those things come in between the two people in a marriage. Here are some examples and suggestion about how to put the relationship first when these challenges arise.

Children are so good at pitting one parent against the other. Sometimes one parent is consistently more permissive than the other or sometimes, each parent is permissive and strict about different issues. And our highly intelligent and resourceful children know exactly who to approach to get the best outcome. I think it is very important for you as the parents to have regular discussions so that you are in agreement about issues regarding your children. I suggest a regular “meeting of the board of directors”. Sit down and discuss how you are going to handle the current issues with your children so you are in agreement. Then when your child asks either one of you for permission, if it’s an issue you have not discussed yet with your spouse, you respond, “let me get back to you”, or “I’ll have to think about that”. In this way you are not contradicting one another and are in agreement and consistent.

Another example of putting the marriage first comes up around extend family, take in-laws for example. Not all families are going to blend perfectly. If your families do blend, that’s great. If you live close by and you can split up the holidays very evenly, that’s great. But much of the time, that is not the case. This is where you have to put the relationship first. I suggest that you sit down each year and decide at the beginning of the year, what you are going to do about extended family gatherings including holidays. I have found with some couples that it works very well to alternate years with the holidays, spending one holiday one year with one side of the family and the next year with the other side.

Some couples have found that it worked well to split up on the holidays sometimes, each going to their respective families for the holiday gathering. And then, some couples have decided to have a gathering at their own home and who ever could make it would come. What I am saying is that whatever works for you is the right answer. But the bottom line is that you are in agreement and that you have an on-going discussion about how you will handle this issue.

Clear and consistent communication about how to put your marriage first is the key to a romantic, passionate relationship!

Diana Concoff Morgan, M.A., H.H.E , Minister
can be reached at 925-980-9052 or www.WholeHeartPath.com

10 Tips to Rekindle Your Romance Tip #2 Appreciation

2008-02-04T08:34:00.000-08:00

10 Tips to Rekindle Your Romance

Tip #2 APPRECIATION

Appreciation will rekindle your romance more powerfully than anything I know of. Do you feel appreciated in your relationship? Do you appreciate your partner? Do you express your appreciation? Daily? There are so many ways to show love and appreciation to your partner. Appreciation begins with a state of mind. Take the time to really notice things to acknowledge about your partner. Notice if you spend more time being frustrated and disappointed with things that aren’t happening the way you would like them to happen. Imagine what your life would be like without that person. Be grateful for that wonderful person you call your partner.

Here are a few ways to express appreciation:

Take your partner’s hands in your hands, facing each other. Look into his/her eyes and express heartfelt, authentic appreciation for your partner’s presence in your life.

Throughout every day, look for things to thank your partner for, the things they do that make your life easier or more joyful. Express gratitude for things like making the coffee in the morning, doing the grocery shopping, cooking, and taking care of car maintenance or even getting up to let the cat out (that’s one of mine!)

Take the initiative to think of fun, new things for the two of you to do. Make all the plans and really make it happen.

Surprise your partner with breakfast in bed or their favorite dinner after work.

Give your partner a card for no special occasion other than that you love him/her.

Write your partner a poem or a letter of appreciation.

These may seem corny but trust me, they really work. Oh and make sure to show your partner this article!

I would love to know the ways that you express your appreciation to your partner.

Please post your ideas and I will include them (anonymously) in my newsletter!

Diana Concoff Morgan, M.A., H.H.E , Minister
can be reached at 925-980-9052 or www.WholeHeartPath.com

dmorgan968@aol.com

10 Tips to Rekindle Your Romance Tip #1

2008-01-24T07:18:00.000-08:00

10 Tips to Rekindle Your Romance

Marriage is the best seminar you will ever participate in. It offers you an opportunity for growth that no other relationship can equal, if both people are fully participating. A healthy marriage takes time and care. It’s just like anything that is worth having, it requires attention. If you don’t care for your plants, they will die. If you don’t exercise, your muscles will atrophy, if you don’t nurture your relationship, you will begin to become resentful, bored and lonely. The next thing that goes is the passion and romance. So if you’re feeling bored, lonely or resentful in your relationship, consider these 10 keys to Rekindle Your Romance. Make one change in your relationship today that can make a world of difference.

10 Tips to Rekindle Your Romance Tip #1 Healthy Communication

Healthy and effective communication is a key to any healthy relationship, including a marriage. That’s why it’s first on the list! First of all, it is important to have clear communication. Your partner is not a mind reader. We cannot assume that our partner knows what we are thinking or should know what we are thinking. The first step to healthy communication is to take the time to make it happen. Often we attempt to have communication at the worst times. I’m sure this has never happened to any of you, but here’s how it happens for other people.

Things are going pretty well, but you have this little thing that’s been bothering you and you want to talk about it. But you don’t want to rock the boat by bringing up something that may create tension, because, after all, things are pretty good. So you don’t bring up that thing, which at that time isn’t that big of a deal. But then that thing starts becoming a bigger deal, because you didn’t talk about it. It’s in your mind, bothering you. You’re putting energy into making it okay, ignoring it, waiting until you can find a “good time” to talk about it. Well, guess what? There really isn’t going to be a “good time” to talk about it. What usually happens is that when you are having a heated discussion or dare I say, a fight, about something else, that little thing, which has been growing and festering will come out and now it’s a lot bigger thing, because it has a lot more anger behind it, and it’s on the pile with all the other things you have been holding onto, waiting for a “good time “to talk.

I recommend that you set aside time every day to talk. That way, you are talking about the little things when they are still fairly uncharged. Sometimes you will be chatting about daily happenings and sometimes you will be bringing up those tough subjects that are more difficult to talk about. Usually the little things will stay that way if you bring them up while they are still little.

There are some boundaries I would like to suggest for your daily conversations. One is that you set a time limit if you need to, at least 30 minute or more. If something comes up, and you find that you don't have the time to discuss it as deeply and thoroughly as you need to, schedule another time, within the next 24 hours, when you can have more uninterrupted time to discuss and process the issue. Another suggestion is to have your daily conversation some time during the day and not before bed. It’s great to talk before bed, but leave your “hot topics” and problems for the daytime conversation. Typically the "hot topics" are work, money, the kids and any other problems. I also suggest that you face one another, have eye contact, even holding hands sometimes if that feels good. Another really important thing about this conversation is that you each let the other finish completely, without interrupting. And finally, speak lovingly, from the heart to one another.

Diana Concoff Morgan, M.A., H.H.E , Minister
can be reached at 925-980-9052 or www.WholeHeartPath.com

I'm not in a relationship, but I would like to be...

2008-01-22T07:15:00.000-08:00

Now, for those of you who are not in a relationship, and want to be in one, I will share some ideas about that today. It has been said that like attracts like, or that we draw into our lives the things that we focus on. So if you want to attract an emotionally healthy individual, work on your own emotional health. If you want to attract someone who is wealthy, work on your own wealth consciousness.

What I have experienced in my own relationships in the past is that I could not attract a healthy relationship into my life because I was unable to trust another individual to the degree necessary to be in a committed relationship. As a result, I kept choosing people who were somehow unavailable to me. In other words, they were not really able to commit to me either, so it was perfect, but not really. A part of me really did want to be in a relationship.

The early years of dating and testing out different relationships for many are a process of pairing away what it is we don't want, to get to what we do want. We search and search for that perfect person-over and over again. Finally we realize that:

1. No perfect person exists

2. We have been creating the same relationship over and over again with different partners.

3. We must begin to look at ourselves

4. We must decide what is enough?

5. What is the bottom line? What can I live with, what can I not live without?

6. We must be open to changing and expanding our beliefs about what we need verses what we want.

The truth is that you begin each relationship where you left off with the last one, so if you're unconsciously doing the same behaviors over and over again, you will continue to recreate the same dynamics in the relationship, over and over again. You will choose essentially the same person in a different body. The goal is to go as far as you can in your own personal growth with each partner.

Before you leave a relationship, you must be clear about your part. You must learn what attracted you to that person initially and why? Then you must discover if it mattered as much after you got it. Usually the thing that most attracts you to a person will be your biggest challenge. If there are problems, you must discover your part, own it, and try to resolve it to the best of your ability. Before you can leave, you must know why you are leaving, what your part is and that you gave it your best shot to explore all the avenues of working things out.

When you know you can walk away clean, knowing your part, then you are less likely to engage in the same relationship over and over again. You can begin anew, with a different person, further along in the process, closer to your healthy relationship.

Diana Concoff Morgan, M.A., H.H.E , Minister
can be reached at 925-980-9052 or www.WholeHeartPath.com

What is the Whole Heart Path?

2008-01-22T06:51:00.000-08:00

What is the Whole Heart Path?

It has been said that, “We are spiritual beings having a human experience”. What is the human experience? The answer to that question begins with choice. As human beings, we can choose to act in a spiritual way.

There are many choices that human beings have the opportunity to make that differentiate us from animals. We don’t always make those choices, but we do have the option. For example, one thing that differentiates us from animals is our ability to use reason and logic, to make logical choices. Another is that we have the ability to understand morality and make moral choices. Two other choices that define spirituality are “mercy” and “kindness”. We as humans have the ability to choose to be merciful and kind. And as humans, when we feel our instinctual drives, we can make the choice as to whether we will act on them or not.

Spirituality is the act of seeking what some call a higher state of mind and body. It is seeking a connection with the greatest source of joy and bliss that exists. It is seeking a higher understanding of life, a higher purpose than that which we find in our material existence. Spirituality is choosing to seek a life that is sacred. The Whole Heart Path is a sacred path. In my discussions of spirituality, I will not include religion because that is a completely different subject. Often when I say spiritual, people bring up religion. They will say things like, “Oh, I’m not a religious person.” You don’t have to be a religious person or have any religious involvement at all to be on the Whole Heart Path.

Spirituality connects us to each other. We feel that we are a part of something greater. It is a core feeling that we are not alone, that we are not floating aimlessly through space and time without ties or roots. When we are not in touch with our spirituality, we feel the deepest form of loneliness that exists and we are compelled to bury that loneliness and emptiness with some form of distraction so that we don’t have to feel it so intensely. We still feel it to some degree, but not as intensely. We become addicted to these distractions because when we don’t have them, we must feel the fear and pain of that loneliness and emptiness.

Spirituality can become obscured by the daily and mundane tasks of living our lives. The human experience can be so challenging at times. As spiritual beings having a human experience, we sometimes lose sight of our spiritual choices within the human experience. When this happens we feel the hole in our gut, the pain of that meaningless emptiness that consumes our lives and it is overwhelming. We crave a sacred, spiritual life. At some level, I believe, we all seek it. The spiritual life path can seem scary. It can seem lonely. There are times of seeking when we are in between the conscious and unconscious states of existence. It can become so difficult to stay present. Before we even realize that we are doing it, we are finding ways to bury the pain of the emptiness we feel from the hole in our gut.

Many of us have forgotten what it feels like to be spiritual. We have become disconnected from each other, desensitized to kindness and mercy. On television every day we see our inhumanity towards each other. We see the killing, the pain and suffering, the sadness. The tragic date of September 11^th, 2002 brings to mind an extreme example of how we as human beings become so detached, we dehumanize ourselves and each other. It is too easy to say, “I’m innocent. Someone else did that. How could they do that? I would never do that.” The truth is that we are all a part of the human race, connected at the core of our being, so when one of us is sick, at some level, that sickness lives in all of us.

Socially, we experience a tremendous lack of compassion for human problems and challenges. In the past, we watched out for each other, there was a much stronger sense of community. When a family was having problems, their community offered assistance and support. There were more adults around to accept the responsibility of mentoring the young people. The human element is still there, but more and more it seems, we experience each other as the source of our unhappiness. Each of us as individuals has the choice to seek a spiritual answer to our unhappiness, to recover our heart, and there are many paths. The Whole Heart Path offers you an opportunity to connect with yourself and others in a more authentic way, to have more peace, happiness and harmony in your relationships and in your life.

Diana Concoff Morgan, M.A., H.H.E , Minister
can be reached at 925-980-9052 or www.WholeHeartPath.com

Whole Heart Path to Creating a Healthy Relationship

2008-01-21T20:49:00.000-08:00

Whole Heart Path to Creating a Healthy Relationship

Whether you are married or not, in a relationship or not, this column is for you. Creating healthy relationships begins with you creating a healthy relationship with yourself. Perhaps you've heard the expression, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." In other words, be the kind of person you want to be with.

Some of you may be thinking, "I'm already in a relationship and it's not with the person I necessarily want to be with. I would strongly recommend that you work on yourself to become the person you would like to be in a relationship with. After all, you can only change yourself. You can't change another person. If you are truly working on becoming the person you want be, living from your whole heart, your partner will either step up, or you will fall away.

We come together to cause one another to grow. We are all mirrors to each other. So it’s possible that as you grow into the person you want to be, your partner will also grow and change. Unfortunately, you can’t really be attached to that. You have to change for you and not for the other person. They may choose not to change. So here’s the challenge. It’s scary to start to change when you’re in a relationship because, well, what if the other person doesn’t want to change. We stay in our unhappy, lonely relationships because it’s familiar, safe and comfortable. We’re miserable but we don’t want to grow because we don’t know if our partner will grow with us.

The other side of the coin is that if you don’t change, you will never know if your partner would have stepped up to meet you. I think you have to get to a place of total surrender. When you would rather be single for the rest of your life than be in an unacceptable relationship, you will have an incredible amount of clarity and you will be willing to make the changes you need to make in your own life. The other person will either be inspired to grow to meet you or it will be obvious that it is over. Even if it ends, you have learned what you needed to learn with that person and now you can move on to attract the kind of relationship you have been wanting.

In the next article: What if I'm not in a relationship and I want to be in one?

Diana Concoff Morgan, M.A., H.H.E , Minister
can be reached at 925-980-9052 or www.WholeHeartPath.com

Whole Heart Path to Healthy Relationship

2007-04-10T13:02:00.000-07:00

Greetings everyone.

I look forward to offering my readers tools for conflict resolution, healthy communication and increased intimacy.

To begin with, a little about me. Many of you have known me for a very long time as an a an All Faiths Ceremony Officiant with over 20 years experience performing ceremonies and rituals. What you may not know is that I am also a Certified Five Rings Coach and Stress Response Trainer and movement psychology specialist with over 20 years experience teaching people how to communicate and have healthy relationships.

One of the ways that I work with people is to help them to re-frame what they want to say within the framework of the elements, known as the Five Rings, wind, water, fire, ground and space.

Today I would like to give you an example of how I work with couples which might help you with any relationship communication challenges you may be having.

Have you ever been talking to someone and you just weren’t reaching that person? You talk, they talk, you talk, they talk…but there’s no connection. It’s like you’re talking “at” one another. I teach people how to make that connection, how to hear and how to be heard. Part of making the connection is being heard, and the other part is to know and understand the person with whom you are communicating.

Now, you might say, “I can’t possibly know every person that I need to communicate with. What if it’s the guy at the store or my son’s teacher? " Well that’s just it. By understanding the five rings, you can know a lot more about a person than you might imagine. For example, let’s take marriage. Now, this is not a man-woman thing. This is based upon the elemental nature of each person. What ring do you come from most of the time? In other words, what is your usual reaction when pushed to your limit?

Let’s say this couple is out to dinner and he makes a comment, just making conversation, off the top of his head, sort of thinking aloud. She takes it for more than that, and says, “What do you mean by that?” He says, “NOTHING!!” She doesn’t believe him, and they’re off and running in the battle of wives and husbands. He’s getting hot around the collar, feeling attacked and she is angry and put off, unsatisfied by his response.

So here’s another way it could have gone:
He makes the comment. She then gets upset. She pauses, takes a breath, softens her belly and knees, opens her palms and in a soft, loving voice says:“You know, when you make comments like that, it makes me feel unappreciated, insecure, unloved (or you fill in the blanks________________, __________________,_________________ ).
I wonder why you said it.

He says, “Gosh, I’m sorry. I just wasn’t thinking. That was really not a very considerate thing to say. I’m not really sure why I said it but I will try not to do it again. (Or something like that).

So let’s talk about this in five rings language…Whatever he said, it came from his head, which is from the ring of wind…no feeling, no heart…just words, “off the top of his head”.

Her response was from the ring of fire. It was quick, to the point, angry already, without even knowing what was meant by the comment. Her fire comes at his wind, he feels attacked, gets angry now the two of them just made a bigger fire!

So when I re-framed their interaction, I suggested that she come from the ring of water, with more heart. I suggested a more relaxed approach. This allowed him to examine his words without feeing attacked. He was able to be a bit more watery and go into his heart to feel compassion for how she might have taken what he said in the wrong way.

One thing you will hear me say often is that marriage is fragile. What you put into your marriage is there until the end of your forever, even till death do you part. So think twice before you say that thing you really want to say. "Can I live with this forever?"

If you have a question about this or would like to inquire about you particular situation or communication dynamic, feel free to comment. I look forward to your comments.

Diana Concoff Morgan, M.A., H.H.E , Minister
can be reached at 925-980-9052 or www.WholeHeartPath.com

11:31 AM 0 Comments