Thursday, February 28, 2008

10 Tips to Rekindle Your Romance Tip #3 Put The Marriage First

10 Tips to Rekindle Your Romance

Tip # 3 Always put the relationship first

It is important to put your relationship first, above either of you as individuals or any other person. Marriage is a partnership. I am not saying that you have to become one person but you do have a partnership and honoring your partnership will keep your romance alive. If you do not put the relationship first, you will start to get little resentments which will become big resentments, which will eventually extinguish the flame in your relationship! Everything ends up in the bedroom. In other words, whatever resentments and dissatisfaction you have in your relationship will manifest in your romance and passion. When you are in alignment and in agreement, you have the space for passion and romance to emerge.

Some of the more common influences that challenge you to put your marriage first are children, friends, extended family and work. It’s just too easy to let those things come in between the two people in a marriage. Here are some examples and suggestion about how to put the relationship first when these challenges arise.

Children are so good at pitting one parent against the other. Sometimes one parent is consistently more permissive than the other or sometimes, each parent is permissive and strict about different issues. And our highly intelligent and resourceful children know exactly who to approach to get the best outcome. I think it is very important for you as the parents to have regular discussions so that you are in agreement about issues regarding your children. I suggest a regular “meeting of the board of directors”. Sit down and discuss how you are going to handle the current issues with your children so you are in agreement. Then when your child asks either one of you for permission, if it’s an issue you have not discussed yet with your spouse, you respond, “let me get back to you”, or “I’ll have to think about that”. In this way you are not contradicting one another and are in agreement and consistent.

Another example of putting the marriage first comes up around extend family, take in-laws for example. Not all families are going to blend perfectly. If your families do blend, that’s great. If you live close by and you can split up the holidays very evenly, that’s great. But much of the time, that is not the case. This is where you have to put the relationship first. I suggest that you sit down each year and decide at the beginning of the year, what you are going to do about extended family gatherings including holidays. I have found with some couples that it works very well to alternate years with the holidays, spending one holiday one year with one side of the family and the next year with the other side.

Some couples have found that it worked well to split up on the holidays sometimes, each going to their respective families for the holiday gathering. And then, some couples have decided to have a gathering at their own home and who ever could make it would come. What I am saying is that whatever works for you is the right answer. But the bottom line is that you are in agreement and that you have an on-going discussion about how you will handle this issue.

Clear and consistent communication about how to put your marriage first is the key to a romantic, passionate relationship!

Diana Concoff Morgan, M.A., H.H.E , Minister
can be reached at 925-980-9052 or

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