I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the word “authentic”. It has become one of those really popular, overused words that are used in so many different ways that unless you define the word, it can mean way too many things. I want to talk about what it means to me because I use it in my work. The dictionary defines “authentic” as, “not false or copied, real.” To me, authentic means “being real.” When I am being authentic, I am being present to the moment and whatever is happening. I am present with the person with whom I am interacting. I am coming from my whole heart. I am being real in the sense that I am not censoring my thoughts and actions. My actions are in integrity with my beliefs. These are the ways of being that define me “being me”.
I would like to talk about my history and how I came to even care about authenticity and how it has evolved into a passionate quest for me. For years, I tried to avoid knowing what was going on in the world. I didn’t watch the news because it was violent and negative. I didn’t watch much TV because I was above that. I didn’t want to waste my time and there wasn’t really anything on TV that could have ever held my full attention. Once in awhile, I would have the TV on while doing some other more important task, watching the TV with about 20% of my attention. I was one of those people who surrounded myself with people who were pretty much like me and we lived in our own little world, with our similar belief systems, pretending like we were the majority.
Everything was going along just fine in my illusion of reality when suddenly I popped my head out of the sand for a minute and started to notice the world. Maybe it was hearing that the top two TV shows in America were “Roseanne” and “Married with Children”. Maybe it was becoming pregnant. Maybe it was moving to Antioch, California where two thirds of the cars had the little “born again” fish on their car. Maybe it was the small group of parents at the school my son attended who fought having a yoga class and celebrating Halloween because it offended their religious beliefs; or maybe it was also the fact that they won! Maybe it was watching the downfall of Clinton and the Democratic Party and the return of the Bush dynasty, the dictatorship where, we as a country, abandoned our authenticity, and actually gave up our right to vote for president. We actually let a group of people hijack our government and hold it hostage for 8 years. Maybe it was the combination of all of those events that caused me to wake up and start to look AUTHENTICALLY at my own actions and beliefs. How could I complain? What was I really doing? I was copying everyone else, being one of the herd? Oh, sure, I voted. I spoke up, sometimes, signed a few petitions, donated a few dollars, when it was convenient and easy. But was that really enough? Today, I say, “No”. Had I been true to myself, authentic, I would have fought back, whatever the price. Instead, with a huff and a puff, I let it happen. I abandoned myself, my beliefs, and my authenticity.
Since I popped my head out of the sand, I have never been able to put it back. I admit, I have tried, unsuccessfully. I have been living life, eyes wide open ever since, passionately seeking to know and act from my authentic self. I can’t honestly say that my actions have been 100% in integrity with my beliefs. It’s a process. But at least I know when I am out of integrity, or I have friends, true friends that will gently and ever so lovingly guide me back to my conscience. One of the most important things I can do is stay aware and informed. I watch the news occasionally, knowing that much of it isn’t true; much of it is distorted, exaggerated or diminished. I watch it also knowing that the majority of people think that what they hear on the news is the truth. I listen to the radio. I talk to people and I listen. And I watch TV as a sociological study. In my next article I would like to share some ideas about America, TV and authenticity.
Diana Concoff Morgan, M.A., Holistic Health Educator, Five Rings Coach and Stress Response Trainer helps you break through personal barriers, open your whole heart to create authentic connections in your relationships and in your life. She had been working with couples and individuals for over 20 years. The techniques and tools that she utilizes incorporate Holistic Health, Five Rings Movement Psychology and Stress Response Training, Intuitive/Spiritual Counseling, Martial Science,and Certified Yoga Heart Meditative Movement. In addition, she performs spiritual, personal wedding and other types of ceremonies. She helps you to create a ceremony that is your expression of spirituality.
Please call for a free caring consultation.
Diana Morgan, M.A., H.H.E., Minister
PO Box 553, Santa Rosa, CA 95402
707-548-7003 or 925-980-9052
dianaconcoffmorgan@gmail.com
http://www.wholeheartpath.com
http://www.blessingstoyou.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/dianaconcoffmorgan
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
It's NOT Personal
Is It Really Personal?
In my last article, “The Art of Saying No”, I talked about how difficult it is to say, “NO” to people so we say, “YES” when we really want to say, “NO”. In this article, I will talk about the number one reason why it is so hard to say, “NO”. The number one reason is because it’s hard for most people to hear, “NO”. If you don’t like to hear it, you are not going to want to say it! Why is it so hard to hear, “NO”? I think it is largely because we take it personally. We think they are saying much more with their, “NO”, than they really are. We feel personally rejected. The truth is that “NO” is just “NO”. It’s not, “NO and you’re not good enough.” It’s not, “NO and I don’t like you.” It’s not “NO, never.” It’s just, “NO” to the current request. “NO, it’s not a fit for me at this time.” “No, but feel free to ask me again at another time or down the road.” It’s not personal! It’s not about you! And when you say, “NO”, it’s not personal, and it’s not about them. “NO” is about the person who says it, not the person who receives the “NO”. Even if the person doesn’t like you, it’s not about you! Wow, what freedom that gave me when I realized that.
Let’s talk about some other ways that we make things personal when they are not personal. Are you one of those people who goes to a party or gathering and maybe there are 50 people with whom you had really good interactions but you will focus on that one person who wasn’t so “warm and fuzzy”. Maybe that person didn’t say, “Hello”. Or maybe they gave you some look that you decided to interpret as negative in some way. Whatever did or didn’t happen, you decided to focus on that one person because you felt that they didn’t like you or were somehow slighting you. The truth is that unless you actually asked the person what they were thinking or feeling about you, you have no idea what was going on.
I have a policy which is that I don’t participate in “third party communication”. In other words, until someone actually says the words to my face, I don’t make assumptions about how they feel about me. Third party communication is communication that comes to me indirectly, not from the actual messenger. Making assumptions about how someone thinks about me without knowing for sure is in truth third party communication because it is indirect, it is an assumption. It’s really not that much different from gossip in the sense that you are participating in third party communication and you don’t know if it’s true or not and it can be as destructive as gossip.
One challenge in relationships that I hear often has to do with taking things personally. When two people are in a relationship, married or not, romantic or not, they must be able to be honest without the other person taking it personally. If you are the person who takes it personally, or if you know someone who does, I would like to offer you some tools to begin to change your body/mind.
Click here
I would love to know what your favorite technique for not taking things personally is.
Diana Morgan, M.A., H.H.E., Minister
PO Box 553, Santa Rosa, CA 95402
707-548-7003 or 925-980-9052
dianaconcoffmorgan@gmail.com
http://www.wholeheartpath.com
http://www.blessingstoyou.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/dianaconcoffmorgan
In my last article, “The Art of Saying No”, I talked about how difficult it is to say, “NO” to people so we say, “YES” when we really want to say, “NO”. In this article, I will talk about the number one reason why it is so hard to say, “NO”. The number one reason is because it’s hard for most people to hear, “NO”. If you don’t like to hear it, you are not going to want to say it! Why is it so hard to hear, “NO”? I think it is largely because we take it personally. We think they are saying much more with their, “NO”, than they really are. We feel personally rejected. The truth is that “NO” is just “NO”. It’s not, “NO and you’re not good enough.” It’s not, “NO and I don’t like you.” It’s not “NO, never.” It’s just, “NO” to the current request. “NO, it’s not a fit for me at this time.” “No, but feel free to ask me again at another time or down the road.” It’s not personal! It’s not about you! And when you say, “NO”, it’s not personal, and it’s not about them. “NO” is about the person who says it, not the person who receives the “NO”. Even if the person doesn’t like you, it’s not about you! Wow, what freedom that gave me when I realized that.
Let’s talk about some other ways that we make things personal when they are not personal. Are you one of those people who goes to a party or gathering and maybe there are 50 people with whom you had really good interactions but you will focus on that one person who wasn’t so “warm and fuzzy”. Maybe that person didn’t say, “Hello”. Or maybe they gave you some look that you decided to interpret as negative in some way. Whatever did or didn’t happen, you decided to focus on that one person because you felt that they didn’t like you or were somehow slighting you. The truth is that unless you actually asked the person what they were thinking or feeling about you, you have no idea what was going on.
I have a policy which is that I don’t participate in “third party communication”. In other words, until someone actually says the words to my face, I don’t make assumptions about how they feel about me. Third party communication is communication that comes to me indirectly, not from the actual messenger. Making assumptions about how someone thinks about me without knowing for sure is in truth third party communication because it is indirect, it is an assumption. It’s really not that much different from gossip in the sense that you are participating in third party communication and you don’t know if it’s true or not and it can be as destructive as gossip.
One challenge in relationships that I hear often has to do with taking things personally. When two people are in a relationship, married or not, romantic or not, they must be able to be honest without the other person taking it personally. If you are the person who takes it personally, or if you know someone who does, I would like to offer you some tools to begin to change your body/mind.
Click here
I would love to know what your favorite technique for not taking things personally is.
Diana Morgan, M.A., H.H.E., Minister
PO Box 553, Santa Rosa, CA 95402
707-548-7003 or 925-980-9052
dianaconcoffmorgan@gmail.com
http://www.wholeheartpath.com
http://www.blessingstoyou.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/dianaconcoffmorgan
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