10 Tips to Rekindle Your Romance Tip #3 Put The Marriage First

10 Tips to Rekindle Your Romance

Tip # 3 Always put the relationship first

It is important to put your relationship first, above either of you as individuals or any other person. Marriage is a partnership. I am not saying that you have to become one person but you do have a partnership and honoring your partnership will keep your romance alive. If you do not put the relationship first, you will start to get little resentments which will become big resentments, which will eventually extinguish the flame in your relationship! Everything ends up in the bedroom. In other words, whatever resentments and dissatisfaction you have in your relationship will manifest in your romance and passion. When you are in alignment and in agreement, you have the space for passion and romance to emerge.

Some of the more common influences that challenge you to put your marriage first are children, friends, extended family and work. It’s just too easy to let those things come in between the two people in a marriage. Here are some examples and suggestion about how to put the relationship first when these challenges arise.

Children are so good at pitting one parent against the other. Sometimes one parent is consistently more permissive than the other or sometimes, each parent is permissive and strict about different issues. And our highly intelligent and resourceful children know exactly who to approach to get the best outcome. I think it is very important for you as the parents to have regular discussions so that you are in agreement about issues regarding your children. I suggest a regular “meeting of the board of directors”. Sit down and discuss how you are going to handle the current issues with your children so you are in agreement. Then when your child asks either one of you for permission, if it’s an issue you have not discussed yet with your spouse, you respond, “let me get back to you”, or “I’ll have to think about that”. In this way you are not contradicting one another and are in agreement and consistent.

Another example of putting the marriage first comes up around extend family, take in-laws for example. Not all families are going to blend perfectly. If your families do blend, that’s great. If you live close by and you can split up the holidays very evenly, that’s great. But much of the time, that is not the case. This is where you have to put the relationship first. I suggest that you sit down each year and decide at the beginning of the year, what you are going to do about extended family gatherings including holidays. I have found with some couples that it works very well to alternate years with the holidays, spending one holiday one year with one side of the family and the next year with the other side.

Some couples have found that it worked well to split up on the holidays sometimes, each going to their respective families for the holiday gathering. And then, some couples have decided to have a gathering at their own home and who ever could make it would come. What I am saying is that whatever works for you is the right answer. But the bottom line is that you are in agreement and that you have an on-going discussion about how you will handle this issue.

Clear and consistent communication about how to put your marriage first is the key to a romantic, passionate relationship!

Diana Concoff Morgan, M.A., H.H.E , Minister
can be reached at 925-980-9052 or www.WholeHeartPath.com

10 Tips to Rekindle Your Romance Tip #2 Appreciation

10 Tips to Rekindle Your Romance

Tip #2 APPRECIATION

Appreciation will rekindle your romance more powerfully than anything I know of. Do you feel appreciated in your relationship? Do you appreciate your partner? Do you express your appreciation? Daily? There are so many ways to show love and appreciation to your partner. Appreciation begins with a state of mind. Take the time to really notice things to acknowledge about your partner. Notice if you spend more time being frustrated and disappointed with things that aren’t happening the way you would like them to happen. Imagine what your life would be like without that person. Be grateful for that wonderful person you call your partner.

Here are a few ways to express appreciation:

1. Take your partner’s hands in your hands, facing each other. Look into his/her eyes and express heartfelt, authentic appreciation for your partner’s presence in your life.

2. Throughout every day, look for things to thank your partner for, the things they do that make your life easier or more joyful. Express gratitude for things like making the coffee in the morning, doing the grocery shopping, cooking, and taking care of car maintenance or even getting up to let the cat out (that’s one of mine!)

3. Take the initiative to think of fun, new things for the two of you to do. Make all the plans and really make it happen.

4. Surprise your partner with breakfast in bed or their favorite dinner after work.

5. Give your partner a card for no special occasion other than that you love him/her.

6. Write your partner a poem or a letter of appreciation.

These may seem corny but trust me, they really work. Oh and make sure to show your partner this article!

I would love to know the ways that you express your appreciation to your partner.

Please post your ideas and I will include them (anonymously) in my newsletter!

Diana Concoff Morgan, M.A., H.H.E , Minister
can be reached at 925-980-9052 or www.WholeHeartPath.com

dmorgan968@aol.com

10 Tips to Rekindle Your Romance Tip #1

10 Tips to Rekindle Your Romance

Marriage is the best seminar you will ever participate in. It offers you an opportunity for growth that no other relationship can equal, if both people are fully participating. A healthy marriage takes time and care. It’s just like anything that is worth having, it requires attention. If you don’t care for your plants, they will die. If you don’t exercise, your muscles will atrophy, if you don’t nurture your relationship, you will begin to become resentful, bored and lonely. The next thing that goes is the passion and romance. So if you’re feeling bored, lonely or resentful in your relationship, consider these 10 keys to Rekindle Your Romance. Make one change in your relationship today that can make a world of difference.

10 Tips to Rekindle Your Romance Tip #1 Healthy Communication

Healthy and effective communication is a key to any healthy relationship, including a marriage. That’s why it’s first on the list! First of all, it is important to have clear communication. Your partner is not a mind reader. We cannot assume that our partner knows what we are thinking or should know what we are thinking. The first step to healthy communication is to take the time to make it happen. Often we attempt to have communication at the worst times. I’m sure this has never happened to any of you, but here’s how it happens for other people.

Things are going pretty well, but you have this little thing that’s been bothering you and you want to talk about it. But you don’t want to rock the boat by bringing up something that may create tension, because, after all, things are pretty good. So you don’t bring up that thing, which at that time isn’t that big of a deal. But then that thing starts becoming a bigger deal, because you didn’t talk about it. It’s in your mind, bothering you. You’re putting energy into making it okay, ignoring it, waiting until you can find a “good time” to talk about it. Well, guess what? There really isn’t going to be a “good time” to talk about it. What usually happens is that when you are having a heated discussion or dare I say, a fight, about something else, that little thing, which has been growing and festering will come out and now it’s a lot bigger thing, because it has a lot more anger behind it, and it’s on the pile with all the other things you have been holding onto, waiting for a “good time “to talk.

I recommend that you set aside time every day to talk. That way, you are talking about the little things when they are still fairly uncharged. Sometimes you will be chatting about daily happenings and sometimes you will be bringing up those tough subjects that are more difficult to talk about. Usually the little things will stay that way if you bring them up while they are still little.

There are some boundaries I would like to suggest for your daily conversations. One is that you set a time limit if you need to, at least 30 minute or more. If something comes up, and you find that you don't have the time to discuss it as deeply and thoroughly as you need to, schedule another time, within the next 24 hours, when you can have more uninterrupted time to discuss and process the issue. Another suggestion is to have your daily conversation some time during the day and not before bed. It’s great to talk before bed, but leave your “hot topics” and problems for the daytime conversation. Typically the "hot topics" are work, money, the kids and any other problems. I also suggest that you face one another, have eye contact, even holding hands sometimes if that feels good. Another really important thing about this conversation is that you each let the other finish completely, without interrupting. And finally, speak lovingly, from the heart to one another.

Diana Concoff Morgan, M.A., H.H.E , Minister
can be reached at 925-980-9052 or www.WholeHeartPath.com

I'm not in a relationship, but I would like to be...

Now, for those of you who are not in a relationship, and want to be in one, I will share some ideas about that today. It has been said that like attracts like, or that we draw into our lives the things that we focus on. So if you want to attract an emotionally healthy individual, work on your own emotional health. If you want to attract someone who is wealthy, work on your own wealth consciousness.

What I have experienced in my own relationships in the past is that I could not attract a healthy relationship into my life because I was unable to trust another individual to the degree necessary to be in a committed relationship. As a result, I kept choosing people who were somehow unavailable to me. In other words, they were not really able to commit to me either, so it was perfect, but not really. A part of me really did want to be in a relationship.

The early years of dating and testing out different relationships for many are a process of pairing away what it is we don't want, to get to what we do want. We search and search for that perfect person-over and over again. Finally we realize that:

1. No perfect person exists

2. We have been creating the same relationship over and over again with different partners.

3. We must begin to look at ourselves

4. We must decide what is enough?

5. What is the bottom line? What can I live with, what can I not live without?

6. We must be open to changing and expanding our beliefs about what we need verses what we want.

The truth is that you begin each relationship where you left off with the last one, so if you're unconsciously doing the same behaviors over and over again, you will continue to recreate the same dynamics in the relationship, over and over again. You will choose essentially the same person in a different body. The goal is to go as far as you can in your own personal growth with each partner.

Before you leave a relationship, you must be clear about your part. You must learn what attracted you to that person initially and why? Then you must discover if it mattered as much after you got it. Usually the thing that most attracts you to a person will be your biggest challenge. If there are problems, you must discover your part, own it, and try to resolve it to the best of your ability. Before you can leave, you must know why you are leaving, what your part is and that you gave it your best shot to explore all the avenues of working things out.

When you know you can walk away clean, knowing your part, then you are less likely to engage in the same relationship over and over again. You can begin anew, with a different person, further along in the process, closer to your healthy relationship.

Diana Concoff Morgan, M.A., H.H.E , Minister
can be reached at 925-980-9052 or www.WholeHeartPath.com

What is the Whole Heart Path?

What is the Whole Heart Path?

It has been said that, “We are spiritual beings having a human experience”. What is the human experience? The answer to that question begins with choice. As human beings, we can choose to act in a spiritual way.

There are many choices that human beings have the opportunity to make that differentiate us from animals. We don’t always make those choices, but we do have the option. For example, one thing that differentiates us from animals is our ability to use reason and logic, to make logical choices. Another is that we have the ability to understand morality and make moral choices. Two other choices that define spirituality are “mercy” and “kindness”. We as humans have the ability to choose to be merciful and kind. And as humans, when we feel our instinctual drives, we can make the choice as to whether we will act on them or not.

Spirituality is the act of seeking what some call a higher state of mind and body. It is seeking a connection with the greatest source of joy and bliss that exists. It is seeking a higher understanding of life, a higher purpose than that which we find in our material existence. Spirituality is choosing to seek a life that is sacred. The Whole Heart Path is a sacred path. In my discussions of spirituality, I will not include religion because that is a completely different subject. Often when I say spiritual, people bring up religion. They will say things like, “Oh, I’m not a religious person.” You don’t have to be a religious person or have any religious involvement at all to be on the Whole Heart Path.

Spirituality connects us to each other. We feel that we are a part of something greater. It is a core feeling that we are not alone, that we are not floating aimlessly through space and time without ties or roots. When we are not in touch with our spirituality, we feel the deepest form of loneliness that exists and we are compelled to bury that loneliness and emptiness with some form of distraction so that we don’t have to feel it so intensely. We still feel it to some degree, but not as intensely. We become addicted to these distractions because when we don’t have them, we must feel the fear and pain of that loneliness and emptiness.

Spirituality can become obscured by the daily and mundane tasks of living our lives. The human experience can be so challenging at times. As spiritual beings having a human experience, we sometimes lose sight of our spiritual choices within the human experience. When this happens we feel the hole in our gut, the pain of that meaningless emptiness that consumes our lives and it is overwhelming. We crave a sacred, spiritual life. At some level, I believe, we all seek it. The spiritual life path can seem scary. It can seem lonely. There are times of seeking when we are in between the conscious and unconscious states of existence. It can become so difficult to stay present. Before we even realize that we are doing it, we are finding ways to bury the pain of the emptiness we feel from the hole in our gut.

Many of us have forgotten what it feels like to be spiritual. We have become disconnected from each other, desensitized to kindness and mercy. On television every day we see our inhumanity towards each other. We see the killing, the pain and suffering, the sadness. The tragic date of September 11^th, 2002 brings to mind an extreme example of how we as human beings become so detached, we dehumanize ourselves and each other. It is too easy to say, “I’m innocent. Someone else did that. How could they do that? I would never do that.” The truth is that we are all a part of the human race, connected at the core of our being, so when one of us is sick, at some level, that sickness lives in all of us.

Socially, we experience a tremendous lack of compassion for human problems and challenges. In the past, we watched out for each other, there was a much stronger sense of community. When a family was having problems, their community offered assistance and support. There were more adults around to accept the responsibility of mentoring the young people. The human element is still there, but more and more it seems, we experience each other as the source of our unhappiness. Each of us as individuals has the choice to seek a spiritual answer to our unhappiness, to recover our heart, and there are many paths. The Whole Heart Path offers you an opportunity to connect with yourself and others in a more authentic way, to have more peace, happiness and harmony in your relationships and in your life.

Diana Concoff Morgan, M.A., H.H.E , Minister
can be reached at 925-980-9052 or www.WholeHeartPath.com

Whole Heart Path to Creating a Healthy Relationship

Whole Heart Path to Creating a Healthy Relationship

Whether you are married or not, in a relationship or not, this column is for you. Creating healthy relationships begins with you creating a healthy relationship with yourself. Perhaps you've heard the expression, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." In other words, be the kind of person you want to be with.

Some of you may be thinking, "I'm already in a relationship and it's not with the person I necessarily want to be with. I would strongly recommend that you work on yourself to become the person you would like to be in a relationship with. After all, you can only change yourself. You can't change another person. If you are truly working on becoming the person you want be, living from your whole heart, your partner will either step up, or you will fall away.

We come together to cause one another to grow. We are all mirrors to each other. So it’s possible that as you grow into the person you want to be, your partner will also grow and change. Unfortunately, you can’t really be attached to that. You have to change for you and not for the other person. They may choose not to change. So here’s the challenge. It’s scary to start to change when you’re in a relationship because, well, what if the other person doesn’t want to change. We stay in our unhappy, lonely relationships because it’s familiar, safe and comfortable. We’re miserable but we don’t want to grow because we don’t know if our partner will grow with us.

The other side of the coin is that if you don’t change, you will never know if your partner would have stepped up to meet you. I think you have to get to a place of total surrender. When you would rather be single for the rest of your life than be in an unacceptable relationship, you will have an incredible amount of clarity and you will be willing to make the changes you need to make in your own life. The other person will either be inspired to grow to meet you or it will be obvious that it is over. Even if it ends, you have learned what you needed to learn with that person and now you can move on to attract the kind of relationship you have been wanting.

In the next article: What if I'm not in a relationship and I want to be in one?

Diana Concoff Morgan, M.A., H.H.E , Minister
can be reached at 925-980-9052 or www.WholeHeartPath.com

Whole Heart Path to Healthy Relationship

Greetings everyone.

I look forward to offering my readers tools for conflict resolution, healthy communication and increased intimacy.

To begin with, a little about me. Many of you have known me for a very long time as an a an All Faiths Ceremony Officiant with over 20 years experience performing ceremonies and rituals. What you may not know is that I am also a Certified Five Rings Coach and Stress Response Trainer and movement psychology specialist with over 20 years experience teaching people how to communicate and have healthy relationships.

One of the ways that I work with people is to help them to re-frame what they want to say within the framework of the elements, known as the Five Rings, wind, water, fire, ground and space.

Today I would like to give you an example of how I work with couples which might help you with any relationship communication challenges you may be having.

Have you ever been talking to someone and you just weren’t reaching that person? You talk, they talk, you talk, they talk…but there’s no connection. It’s like you’re talking “at” one another. I teach people how to make that connection, how to hear and how to be heard. Part of making the connection is being heard, and the other part is to know and understand the person with whom you are communicating.

Now, you might say, “I can’t possibly know every person that I need to communicate with. What if it’s the guy at the store or my son’s teacher? " Well that’s just it. By understanding the five rings, you can know a lot more about a person than you might imagine. For example, let’s take marriage. Now, this is not a man-woman thing. This is based upon the elemental nature of each person. What ring do you come from most of the time? In other words, what is your usual reaction when pushed to your limit?

Let’s say this couple is out to dinner and he makes a comment, just making conversation, off the top of his head, sort of thinking aloud. She takes it for more than that, and says, “What do you mean by that?” He says, “NOTHING!!” She doesn’t believe him, and they’re off and running in the battle of wives and husbands. He’s getting hot around the collar, feeling attacked and she is angry and put off, unsatisfied by his response.

So here’s another way it could have gone:
He makes the comment. She then gets upset. She pauses, takes a breath, softens her belly and knees, opens her palms and in a soft, loving voice says:“You know, when you make comments like that, it makes me feel unappreciated, insecure, unloved (or you fill in the blanks________________, __________________,_________________ ).
I wonder why you said it.

He says, “Gosh, I’m sorry. I just wasn’t thinking. That was really not a very considerate thing to say. I’m not really sure why I said it but I will try not to do it again. (Or something like that).

So let’s talk about this in five rings language…Whatever he said, it came from his head, which is from the ring of wind…no feeling, no heart…just words, “off the top of his head”.

Her response was from the ring of fire. It was quick, to the point, angry already, without even knowing what was meant by the comment. Her fire comes at his wind, he feels attacked, gets angry now the two of them just made a bigger fire!

So when I re-framed their interaction, I suggested that she come from the ring of water, with more heart. I suggested a more relaxed approach. This allowed him to examine his words without feeing attacked. He was able to be a bit more watery and go into his heart to feel compassion for how she might have taken what he said in the wrong way.

One thing you will hear me say often is that marriage is fragile. What you put into your marriage is there until the end of your forever, even till death do you part. So think twice before you say that thing you really want to say. "Can I live with this forever?"

If you have a question about this or would like to inquire about you particular situation or communication dynamic, feel free to comment. I look forward to your comments.

Diana Concoff Morgan, M.A., H.H.E , Minister
can be reached at 925-980-9052 or www.WholeHeartPath.com

11:31 AM 0 Comments