Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Remember the love that brought you together...
I hope you had a wonderful holiday!
I want to offer you a great tool, especially during this time of year when things can be stressful.
Remember the love that brought you together...
Rekindling your romance is about you and your partner and what is romantic to you. It's just too easy to compare yourself to other couples ...friends, TV..., movies...and think there is something missing from your relationship.
Remembering the love that brought you together is about appreciating your partner and what is romantic for you and your partner.
Take some time to do this practice:
Close your eyes for a few minutes and let your mind travel back to that time when you first saw your partner, when you first became aware of that moment when you just had to meet this person, and then to get to know this person better. You felt something for your partner that you probably had never felt before. You felt the mystical connection with them that was stronger than anything human.
Now, take a few moments to just feel that feeling, getting in touch with love for your partner in your body, mind and heart.
And now, open your eyes and notice how you feel. The next time you are with your partner, really remembering the love that brought you together, authentically, with your whole heart, give them a hug or take their hands and look into their eyes and from that place of loving them, tell them how much you love them and how and why you appreciate them. Imagine if you began every day this way...
Enjoy!
Diana Morgan, M.A., H.H.E., Minister
PO Box 553, Santa Rosa, CA 95402
707-548-7003 or 925-980-9052
dianaconcoffmorgan@gmail.com
For information about performing ceremonies: Blessings To You
For information about relationship workshops, coaching and marriage prep: Whole Heart Path
The #1 reason marriages break up is because they lose site of the love that brought them together. I help couples break through their personal barriers, opening their whole heart to experience their authentic connection. The Whole Heart Path awaits you...
Monday, November 24, 2008
Tool #5 The Wisdom of the Gambler
Know When to Hold 'em, Fold 'em, Walk away, and When to Run
I always ask people, "If you had to choose one motto by which to live your life, what would it be?" I have never heard anyone say my favorite
motto, well, except "The Gambler". My favorite motto is, "You gotta know when to hold 'em, when to fold 'em, when to walk away and when to run." This is particularly true in relationships.
How many times have you been in a situation where you knew that your best move was going to be to just put yourself and the other person on hold, not say anything, and wait for a better moment? That's called "hold em".
There are those time when you know you don't have the winning hand, so you "fold 'em". You yield until the next hand and then you try again.
And I'm sure we've all had times when the best thing to do was to "walk away", or even "run".
Unlike the gambler, playing a game of cards, we are playing the game of life, which sometimes hit us fast and hard. We don't always get the opportunity to make a conscious choice about how we are going to respond to another person or situation. We can't always be that present in the moment. Sometimes we react in a way that isn't necessarily going to help the situation because we are coming from some past experience or story. For example, sometimes we hold when it would have been much more effective to fold, walk away or run!
The Wisdom of the "Gambler"
I have used the "wisdom" of the Gambler for a very long time in my own life. In some ways the Five Rings system of stress response can be compared to the Gambler. The five rings are ways of being in the world, corresponding to the elements, wind, water, fire and ground. The 5th ring is space, the pause in between each moment.
To "hold" is ground, holding your ground. To "fold" is water, yielding. To "walk away" is wind, and to" run" is fire. Of course it's not really that simple, but it's a beginning, one example of how to use this information as a tool in your life. Each of these rings has a powerful side and a not so powerful aspect. Most of us, when pushed to react, will tend to react in one of the rings most frequently. Sometimes that response will be effective and sometimes, more often, it will not, because it is a stress response, not an empowered response, not a conscious choice.
If you are not living in the present moment in your life, you will tend to bring your history, your truth about the situation to the present moment. When you do this you will tend toward the same reaction in most situations, chances are it will serve you positively some of the time, but,since you are dealing with so many different types of people and situations in your life, and not really responding to the present moment, much of the time you will experience your reactions as ineffective.
The goal is to become present in each moment of your life. As you do this, you will begin to recognize, know and understand your own stress response, and then to know and understand all five rings. When you understand all the rings, you will be able to recognize the ring from which the other person is coming, and then you will be able to choose the best ring with which to handle each situation or person that comes your way in the present moment. You will know when to hold 'em, fold 'em, walk away and run from a conscious, present and empowered place.
Diana Morgan, M.A., H.H.E., Minister
PO Box 553, Santa Rosa, CA 95402
707-548-7003 or 925-980-9052
For information about performing ceremonies: Blessings To You
For information about relationship workshops, coaching and marriage prep: Whole Heart Path
The #1 reason marriages break up is because they lose site of the love that brought them together. I help couples break through their personal barriers, opening their whole heart to experience their authentic connection. The Whole Heart Path awaits you...
Thursday, November 13, 2008
What's the most important "must have"?
The most important "must have" is that you must be on the same page in your personal and spiritual growth. If you don't have this in common, one of you will always be dragging and pushing the other and there will be resentment and stress on the relationship. When you feel confident based on the other person's consistent actions (not just their words), that they are on the same page as you in growing and changing, I say, go for it! Dive in! You will never know if that person is right for you if you don't dive in.
Of course you want this person to have your other "must haves" too. and then there's just good old common sense.
Diana Morgan, M.A., H.H.E., Minister
PO Box 553, Santa Rosa, CA 95402
707-548-7003 or 925-980-9052
For information about performing ceremonies: Blessings To You
For information about relationship workshops, coaching and marriage prep: Whole Heart Path
We always invite comments!
The #1 reason marriages break up is because they lose site of the love that brought them together. I help couples break through their personal barriers, opening their whole heart to experience their authentic connection. The Whole Heart Path awaits you...
How do we know when it's safe to dive into the relationship?
Common sense is huge in this decision. The truth is that we know more than we let ourselves know about ourselves and other people. The key is to know yourself and to be able to be honest with yourself. How can you trust another person if you don't trust yourself and you can't be honest? You need to be honest about what you really want. In any area of your wants, you can characterize your wants in two types: "must have" and "would like to have but I can live without". "Must have" wants are the deal breakers. These are the qualities and aspects of the other person that cannot be compromised. If you compromise your "must have" list, you will have a very difficult relationship and are less likely to make it as a couple. I have worked with couples who have none of their "would like to have but I could live without" and their relationships are good. They each get those other needs met by other people and in other ways. On the other hand, I have rarely seen a couple who don't have their "must haves" make it.
Diana Morgan, M.A., H.H.E., Minister
PO Box 553, Santa Rosa, CA 95402
707-548-7003 or 925-980-9052
For information about performing ceremonies: Blessings To You
For information about relationship workshops, coaching and marriage prep: Whole Heart Path
Next article...
What is the most important "must have"?
The #1 reason marriages break up is because they lose site of the love that brought them together. I help couples break through their personal barriers, opening their whole heart to experience their authentic connection. The Whole Heart Path awaits you...
What do you do after you get that date?
And what about after you actually get into the relationship? I love that now there are all these wonderful ways to meet and find the partner of your dreams. So now, you've found that person...you've met...you've gotten to know each other...and now it's time to "get involved". What is "getting involved"? It's about the process that I refer to as the "trust test". We all do it, so let's just call it what it is. It's like getting ready to dive into a cold, unheated swimming pool. You put in one toe to test the water. You leave it in the pool for awhile. Then you maybe put in all the toes, or the whole foot and so on, until you are used to the water. That's what we do in relationships, in a manner of speaking. We enter into the relationship one toe at a time, observing, questioning, wondering when is it ok to trust? How do we know when we can trust the other person? How much of our foot do we put in before the dive? The whole foot? The other foot? A leg? Or do we just keep testing the water and never dive in? For me, over the years, before I figured out how to know if it was ok to dive, I would either jump in with both feet, blindly trusting, or I would put up the wall, not even dipping a toe. It was always very black or white to me and I never really had anything to base it on, except, of course, what other people thought.
Diana Morgan, M.A., H.H.E., Minister
PO Box 553, Santa Rosa, CA 95402
707-548-7003 or 925-980-9052
For information about performing ceremonies: Blessings To You
For information about relationship workshops, coaching and marriage prep: Whole Heart Path
Next article...
How do we know when it's safe to dive into the relationship? What's enough?
The #1 reason marriages break up is because they lose site of the love that brought them together. I help couples break through their personal barriers, opening their whole heart to experience their authentic connection. The Whole Heart Path awaits you...
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
What is the Whole Heart Path?
What is the Whole Heart Path?
It has been said that, “We are spiritual beings having a human experience”. What is the human experience? The answer to that question begins with choice. As human beings, we can choose to act in a spiritual way.
There are many choices that human beings have the opportunity to make that differentiate us from animals. We don’t always make those choices, but we do have the option. For example, one thing that differentiates us from animals is our ability to use reason and logic, to make logical choices. Another is that we have the ability to understand morality and make moral choices. Two other choices that define spirituality are “mercy” and “kindness”. We as humans have the ability to choose to be merciful and kind. And as humans, when we feel our instinctual drives, we can make the choice as to whether we will act on them or not.
Spirituality is the act of seeking what some call a higher state of mind and body. It is seeking a connection with the greatest source of joy and bliss that exists. It is seeking a higher understanding of life, a higher purpose than that which we find in our material existence. Spirituality is choosing to seek a life that is sacred. The Whole Heart Path is a sacred path. In my discussions of spirituality, I will not include religion because that is a completely different subject. Often when I say spiritual, people bring up religion. They will say things like, “Oh, I’m not a religious person.” You don’t have to be a religious person or have any religious involvement at all to be on the Whole Heart Path.
Spirituality connects us to each other. We feel that we are a part of something greater. It is a core feeling that we are not alone, that we are not floating aimlessly through space and time without ties or roots. When we are not in touch with our spirituality, we feel the deepest form of loneliness that exists and we are compelled to bury that loneliness and emptiness with some form of distraction so that we don’t have to feel it so intensely. We still feel it to some degree, but not as intensely. We become addicted to these distractions because when we don’t have them, we must feel the fear and pain of that loneliness and emptiness.
Spirituality can become obscured by the daily and mundane tasks of living our lives. The human experience can be so challenging at times. As spiritual beings having a human experience, we sometimes lose sight of our spiritual choices within the human experience. When this happens we feel the hole in our gut, the pain of that meaningless emptiness that consumes our lives and it is overwhelming. We crave a sacred, spiritual life. At some level, I believe, we all seek it. The spiritual life path can seem scary. It can seem lonely. There are times of seeking when we are in between the conscious and unconscious states of existence. It can become so difficult to stay present. Before we even realize that we are doing it, we are finding ways to bury the pain of the emptiness we feel from the hole in our gut.
Many of us have forgotten what it feels like to be spiritual. We have become disconnected from each other, desensitized to kindness and mercy. On television every day we see our inhumanity towards each other. We see the killing, the pain and suffering, the sadness. The tragic date of September 11th, 2002 brings to mind an extreme example of how we as human beings become so detached, we dehumanize ourselves and each other. It is too easy to say, “I’m innocent. Someone else did that. How could they do that? I would never do that.” The truth is that we are all a part of the human race, connected at the core of our being, so when one of us is sick, at some level, that sickness lives in all of us.
Socially, we experience a tremendous lack of compassion for human problems and challenges. In the past, we watched out for each other, there was a much stronger sense of community. When a family was having problems, their community offered assistance and support. There were more adults around to accept the responsibility of mentoring the young people. The human element is still there, but more and more it seems, we experience each other as the source of our unhappiness. Each of us as individuals has the choice to seek a spiritual answer to our unhappiness, to recover our heart, and there are many paths. The Whole Heart Path offers you an opportunity to connect with yourself and others in a more authentic way, to have more peace, happiness and harmony in your relationships and in your life.
Diana Concoff Morgan, M.A., H.H.E , Minister
can be reached at 925-980-9052 or www.WholeHeartPath.com
Monday, January 21, 2008
Whole Heart Path to Creating a Healthy Relationship
Whole Heart Path to Creating a Healthy Relationship
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We come together to cause one another to grow. We are all mirrors to each other. So it’s possible that as you grow into the person you want to be, your partner will also grow and change. Unfortunately, you can’t really be attached to that. You have to change for you and not for the other person. They may choose not to change. So here’s the challenge. It’s scary to start to change when you’re in a relationship because, well, what if the other person doesn’t want to change. We stay in our unhappy, lonely relationships because it’s familiar, safe and comfortable. We’re miserable but we don’t want to grow because we don’t know if our partner will grow with us.
In the next article: What if I'm not in a relationship and I want to be in one?
Diana Concoff Morgan, M.A., H.H.E , Minister
can be reached at 925-980-9052 or www.WholeHeartPath.com
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Whole Heart Path to Healthy Relationship
I look forward to offering my readers tools for conflict resolution, healthy communication and increased intimacy.
To begin with, a little about me. Many of you have known me for a very long time as an a an All Faiths Ceremony Officiant with over 20 years experience performing ceremonies and rituals. What you may not know is that I am also a Certified Five Rings Coach and Stress Response Trainer and movement psychology specialist with over 20 years experience teaching people how to communicate and have healthy relationships.
One of the ways that I work with people is to help them to re-frame what they want to say within the framework of the elements, known as the Five Rings, wind, water, fire, ground and space.
Today I would like to give you an example of how I work with couples which might help you with any relationship communication challenges you may be having.
Have you ever been talking to someone and you just weren’t reaching that person? You talk, they talk, you talk, they talk…but there’s no connection. It’s like you’re talking “at” one another. I teach people how to make that connection, how to hear and how to be heard. Part of making the connection is being heard, and the other part is to know and understand the person with whom you are communicating.
Now, you might say, “I can’t possibly know every person that I need to communicate with. What if it’s the guy at the store or my son’s teacher? " Well that’s just it. By understanding the five rings, you can know a lot more about a person than you might imagine. For example, let’s take marriage. Now, this is not a man-woman thing. This is based upon the elemental nature of each person. What ring do you come from most of the time? In other words, what is your usual reaction when pushed to your limit?
Let’s say this couple is out to dinner and he makes a comment, just making conversation, off the top of his head, sort of thinking aloud. She takes it for more than that, and says, “What do you mean by that?” He says, “NOTHING!!” She doesn’t believe him, and they’re off and running in the battle of wives and husbands. He’s getting hot around the collar, feeling attacked and she is angry and put off, unsatisfied by his response.
So here’s another way it could have gone:
He makes the comment. She then gets upset. She pauses, takes a breath, softens her belly and knees, opens her palms and in a soft, loving voice says:“You know, when you make comments like that, it makes me feel unappreciated, insecure, unloved (or you fill in the blanks________________, __________________,_________________ ).
I wonder why you said it.
He says, “Gosh, I’m sorry. I just wasn’t thinking. That was really not a very considerate thing to say. I’m not really sure why I said it but I will try not to do it again. (Or something like that).
So let’s talk about this in five rings language…Whatever he said, it came from his head, which is from the ring of wind…no feeling, no heart…just words, “off the top of his head”.
Her response was from the ring of fire. It was quick, to the point, angry already, without even knowing what was meant by the comment. Her fire comes at his wind, he feels attacked, gets angry now the two of them just made a bigger fire!
So when I re-framed their interaction, I suggested that she come from the ring of water, with more heart. I suggested a more relaxed approach. This allowed him to examine his words without feeing attacked. He was able to be a bit more watery and go into his heart to feel compassion for how she might have taken what he said in the wrong way.
One thing you will hear me say often is that marriage is fragile. What you put into your marriage is there until the end of your forever, even till death do you part. So think twice before you say that thing you really want to say. "Can I live with this forever?"
If you have a question about this or would like to inquire about you particular situation or communication dynamic, feel free to comment. I look forward to your comments.
Diana Concoff Morgan, M.A., H.H.E , Minister
can be reached at 925-980-9052 or www.WholeHeartPath.com
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